


Making Memories

by AmberBrown



Series: Earning Their Keep [25]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: First Time, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 06:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15943322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberBrown/pseuds/AmberBrown
Summary: Aramis takes d’Artagnan to a place that holds nothing but good memories for him. Once there he wonders if he could create some more good memories with his lover and perhaps overcome one bad one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This can be read on its own, but it refers back to my story ‘Consensual’ quite a bit. In ‘Consensual’ Aramis and d’Artagnan try to move on after both being raped whilst on a mission. Each man seeks solace in the others arms. It marked the beginning of their now established relationship.

The warm weather was welcome. D’Artagnan found himself closing his eyes and turning his face towards the sun’s rays several times as they wandered along the open pathway. Aramis was taking them back to Paris via a rather circuitous route. They had been given a generous two days to deliver the missive and get back to the garrison. After making good time on the first day he had expected for them to head straight back, but Aramis had led them down a different path. 

Not that d’Artagnan was complaining. They had spent the previous night in a good tavern, the two beds in the room they had shared were slightly larger than usual meaning that they could share without risking one of them falling off during the night. And now the sedate pace in the quiet countryside was equally welcome. 

They had experienced a fraught start to the year with various misadventures laying them both low. Now they were both fully fit and back on full duties. D’Artagnan guessed that Aramis was intending to make full use of their allotted time to get the simple assignment done. He also wondered if Treville had deliberately given them an easy task with plenty of time to complete it so that the two men could get away from the bustle of Paris for a couple of days. It would give them both time to gather themselves after the recent incidents. 

Aramis had woken him early that morning insisting that they needed to leave and get on with their journey. D’Artagnan now thought his lover might have an ulterior motive. But he could not work out what it might be and he was content to let his lover have his way.

‘Why do you keep looking around?’ he asked, as Aramis carefully checked their surroundings for about the fourth time in a minute.

They were currently walking, the horses barely needing any persuasion, around the edge of the rock face. The area had lots of rocky outcrops with open land in between. They were on the edge of a collection of hills where few settlements could be found. Farming was almost non-existent other than a few smallholdings, but nothing for several miles in any direction from their current location.

D’Artagnan could not work out what Aramis was checking for. The chances of any robbers being in the vicinity of a little-used pathway was very slim. 

‘Just got to be sure…’ replied Aramis as he again looked around. 

‘Sure of what?’

‘That there’s no one around…’

‘Who would be around, we’re in the middle of nowhere?’

Aramis, who was ahead of d’Artagnan twisted around in his saddle to look back at him.

‘That’s the general idea,’ he said before slowing and turning the horse. 

D’Artagnan was surprised to see Aramis make the move, he had thought the wall of rock they were passing, was just that; a wall of rock. But Aramis had just walked his horse into the wall through a gap. As he reached the spot and turned his own horse to follow, he found the hidden pathway turned immediately making it almost invisible. If Aramis had not already turned into it d’Artagnan would not have noticed that there was a way through.

He wondered where his lover was taking him?

MMMM

Aramis continued to lead them along a winding narrow path. The rocks felt as though they were closing in on d’Artagnan as he guided his horse through. The well-trained Musketeer horses were a little on edge. But Aramis’ horse trusted her rider and d’Artagnan’s was happy to follow. The route was narrow with occasional overhangs of rock which caused the men to bend their heads to dip under. The rocks were smooth, weathered over the years to take away the sharpness of some of the rock wall that they had been following beside just a few minutes before. D’Artagnan guessed that during a storm the wind would rattle through the pathway at a much faster speed than elsewhere. 

After a few minutes, d’Artagnan realised they were descending. The walls on either side of them were higher than when they had first turned into the rocky path. The light was also dimmer now that they were further from the open. 

He wanted to ask his lover where they were going but did not want to distract him from guiding his mare along the pathway. 

They turned another ninety-degree corner. Light spilt onto the rocks ahead of him. D’Artagnan realised they must have been nearing the end of the hidden pathway, Aramis disappeared around what must have been the last corner. D’Artagnan was apprehensive and excited to see where this hidden path that his lover had led him down would lead.

As he emerged he gasped, blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted to the full light of day again. 

They were on the shore of a large lake. Barely a ripple marred the surface of the clear water. A thin strip of soft sand ran along the edge of the lake. The rocks that they had just negotiated rose up behind them and alongside them. D’Artagnan looked to the left and right of his position. A few trees stood on the shore to his left providing shade and shelter. To his right, the sandy beach reached for a couple of hundred yards. The sandy strip gave way to smooth rocks before earth and grass and a slim line of trees at the base of the rocks. 

The place was beautiful, still, quiet, untouched. 

A thought occurred to d’Artagnan, weeks before when they had been convalescing Aramis had said that he wanted to take him to a beautiful lake that he knew. One where Aramis had assured him they would not be disturbed. This had to be the place he meant.

Aramis had moved his horse up next to him.

‘What do you think?’ he asked.

D’Artagnan could not find a reply, he looked at his lover for a few seconds before looking back at the view.

Aramis spoke again as he dismounted, ‘we have the rest of today and tonight and some of tomorrow morning before we have to head back to Paris...I intend to make the most of it.’

Aramis led his horse to the shady stand of trees to the left and began to take his saddlebags off the beast, before removing the tack. The horse, once free, wandered towards the water’s edge and began to drink her fill. 

D’Artagnan copied his lover, leading his own horse to the trees and removed the tack. The two horses seemed content to wander amongst the shaded trees. 

Aramis had walked to the edge of the sand after putting his saddle bag on the ground a few yards away. He sat on one of the smooth rocks that met the sand. D’Artagnan crossed the beach and sat beside him. Aramis reached his arm around him and pulled him in for a kiss. D’Artagnan leaned in to enjoy the kiss. 

‘How did you find this place?’ asked d’Artagnan after a few seconds. 

‘I was brought here years ago,’ his lover replied as he gazed across the lake, a faraway look in his eyes. 

‘By who? A lover?’

‘Not a lover as such...he was,’ Aramis paused for a moment trying to find the words. 

D’Artagnan wondered who the man was that Aramis was trying to describe.

‘He was the first man I was with. He...taught me, showed me how to love and be loved,’ Aramis paused again as a slight smile played across his lips, ‘he taught me to give and receive pleasure. He also taught me some valuable life lessons.’

D’Artagnan looked at his lover for a few seconds before returning his own gaze to the still waters of the lake. He felt honoured to have been brought to the spot now. That Aramis wanted to share a place that obviously meant a great deal to him was humbling. 

He was a little surprised when Aramis stood up and started to pull his weapons belts off and dropped them gently to the ground next to him before undoing his doublet.

‘Swim?’ Aramis said as he sat down again to pull off his boots. 

D’Artagnan looked at him for a few seconds, ‘won’t it be too cold?’

‘Cool, but not cold, I think the rocks trap the heat a bit.’

D’Artagnan looked back at the clear water of the lake for a second before starting to pull his own boots off. He had no idea what Aramis was planning on doing during the next few hours but his lover was correct, they should make the most of it. There were very few times when they got to relax outside. Usually, they could only talk openly or show affection for one another behind closed doors. But here, in this secluded spot, they could enjoy each other's company without the fear of being found out.

Aramis stripped completely before walking towards the water and tentatively stepping into the lake. He turned back and smiled.

‘It’s fine, maybe a bit...bracing. But how often do we get to do this?’

D’Artagnan nodded as he pushed his own breeches and underclothes off. He followed Aramis who was already wading out further into the water, within a couple of yards he had leaned forward and was taking confident strokes through the water. D’Artagnan was quick to join him. Aramis had been right, the water was not cold, as long as he kept moving the temperature was bearable. 

He paused after a few more seconds and turned to look back at their camp. The horses, both stood on the edge of the water, were watching them curiously. The small beach was indeed secluded. From his watery angle d’Artagnan could see the smooth rock walls surrounding it, he guessed there was a possibility someone might make it to the top of the rocks from the other side, but they were rough and loose outside their hiding place. A trick of the weather leaving the area almost impenetrable other than the hidden path that Aramis had brought them in through. 

His lover appeared beside him, emerging from underwater with a grin. After wiping the water from his eyes he grabbed d’Artagnan for a messy, confused kiss. They both ended up dipping under the water their limbs knocking and entangling. 

But d’Artagnan loved it. Loved that they could be so free of the usual trappings and restrictions. 

When his need for air became pressing he pushed Aramis away firmly. 

‘I’d rather you didn’t drown me,’ he said with a laugh.

‘I could breathe life back into you...I’ve heard it can be done...never seen it, but I would try,’ said Aramis between panted breaths.

D’Artagnan splashed him before making a break for the shore. He knew Aramis was close on his heels. It took them a little longer to swim back, the exertion leaving them tired. After pulling themselves free of the cool water they stretched out on the warm rocks. Aramis lay on his back, d’Artagnan on his side, tracing his fingers across his lover's chest, chasing droplets of water away. 

‘This really is an amazing place. Have you been here often?’

Aramis looked up at him, ‘a couple of times on my own, but I’ve never brought anyone else with me. When I’ve come before, on my own it was just...pleasant to be alone for a few hours.’

They were silent for a few minutes before Aramis pulled d’Artagnan towards him and kissed him again. A deep, lingering kiss. D’Artagnan thought that Aramis was the most relaxed he had been in weeks. The secret spot had clearly done his lover good. D’Artagnan slipped his arm around his lover and held him tightly to his body. 

Aramis shivered.

‘It may be relatively warm, but I think I want to get dressed again and sort out a fire and some food,’ said the older man with a smile. 

D’Artagnan leaned back and allowed Aramis to escape his grasp, there would be time enough to enjoy each other's company in several ways.

The two men worked together, gathering dry wood for a fire, laying out their bedrolls and preparing food. The chatted amiably about a variety of non-specific things, laughed heartily and stole the occasional kiss or lingering touch every so often. 

Their camp prepared, the Musketeers ate a simple repast before settling back to watch the sunset in the idyllic setting. They had managed to arrange themselves leaning against one of the saddles with d’Artagnan content to allow his lover to wrap his arms around him. 

Aramis was again looking across the lake with a faraway look. 

‘Tell me about him,’ asked d’Artagnan.

‘Who?’

‘Him, the one that brought you here. The man that taught you.’

Aramis looked off into the distance, a hint of a smile on his lips. D’Artagnan could tell the memories were pleasant.

‘For me to tell you about him, to do it justice, I would have to explain how we met, it’s quite a long story.’

‘We have time,’ replied d’Artagnan looking up at Aramis, ‘I’d like to know about the man that shaped you into the kind and caring lover that you are.’

Aramis smiled at the remark, before looking away for a few seconds. D’Artagnan guessed his lover was working out where to start.

‘I had only been in Paris for a few weeks, I’d barely got settled with a room to stay in, but I was already a cadet for an infantry regiment. I was just seventeen...but I was curious…’

MMMM 

_Years before… ___

__Aramis smiled at the young woman who walked passed him. She lowered her face slightly and smiled back. He knew he was attractive and enjoyed the attention it brought him. Standing guard at the gate to his garrison meant he was on show to the people of Paris. And a lot of them liked to look at him. And he enjoyed looking back._ _

__He nodded a greeting to his Captain as the man rode passed on his elegant white horse. Aramis looked forward to the day he would be a fully fledged soldier, he suspected it would not be long. The need for commissioned men was great in the uncertain times. When he had a uniform he would be even more of a draw to the young woman of the city._ _

__But, thought Aramis with a sigh, the women were not the only citizens that interested him. He had known he was different for a few years. Ever since he had seen a couple of the grooms on his father's estate taking an illicit swim in the river that ran through the grounds. The grooms had not known he was watching them. He had found both men attractive. Aramis had watched the men swimming, taking in their naked bodies as they moved through the water._ _

__At the time it had felt wrong, it went against what he had been taught. He had tried to suppress the feelings but over the next few years he knew he could not. When he had finally left for Paris he knew he was attracted to both women and men. And he saw no problem with that. Even it most other people did._ _

__In a city the size of Paris, he was sure he would find someone else like him. He yearned to touch another man, to know what it would feel like to be with someone who felt the same as him. He had slept with a few women and enjoyed his times with them, but he knew he needed to sate the urge that grew within him. He needed to sleep with a man._ _

__Some of the older men had been talking the night before about a tavern, further into the city. The soldiers had said some crude things about the men that visited the tavern. Aramis had worked out that the men that visited the tavern were like himself. Aramis had quickly worked out that he could not be open, even amongst the other cadets, about the way he felt. When he heard the soldiers talking he had listened carefully, without making it obvious. One of the men had asked where the tavern was so that he could be sure to avoid it, causing the others to laugh. But the location had been described. Aramis had decided that he would visit the tavern that night. He was curious about what went on, but crucially he wanted to meet someone who was like him._ _

__The thought made him excited and apprehensive at the same time. He knew what men did when they slept together but had no idea what it would feel like. He knew what it felt like to have sex with a woman and wondered if it would be similar with a man but to be the one on the receiving end, to be the one being fucked...Aramis wanted to know but found himself nervous about the prospect._ _

__His feelings about it were very confused, but that did not stop him from looking forward to his trip later that night._ _


	2. Chapter 2

He had carefully removed all the items of clothing that might identify him as a soldier and had borrowed a plain hat from one of the other cadets, although the young lad did not know it had been borrowed. Not that he would mind, he was stuck in the infirmary recovering from a nasty head injury during a boisterous sparring session several of the cadets had become embroiled in. 

Aramis had not taken part in the fight, he had sensed it would get out of hand and did not want to get, either hurt or in trouble and ruin his plans for the evening. 

Slipping out of the garrison had not been a problem, he had not had time to make many friends and he knew he was unlikely to be missed. He was not required for any duties or training until late the following morning. 

As he walked through the streets towards the tavern he had watched out for anyone he knew, he did not want to be seen approaching the tavern. He did not want to advertise what he was. 

Aramis found that he was walking slower and slower as he turned into the street. The tavern, its window shrouded in steam, stood on a corner of a crossroads. He stopped walking altogether as he reached the last building across the road from it. He pushed himself into the wall of the building. He had not realised how quickly he was breathing. He made an effort to calm himself. 

The door to the tavern opened, two men stepped out. They looked up and down the road before walking off. Aramis watched them disappear into the darkening streets. Another man walked, with purpose, towards the tavern but he paused at the door, looking up and down the roads before pushing the door open and entering. Aramis thought it was likely the authorities knew the tavern was used for supposed nefarious meetings between man. There was always a chance it would be visited by guards and raided. The thought worried Aramis. But his need outweighed the worry. 

He tentatively took a few steps forward. 

‘I’ve not seen you around here before,’ a gruff sounding man said. 

Aramis turned to the man who had been leaning on the wall of the same building but around the corner, out of sight. 

‘I...I’ve not been here before,’ replied Aramis, trying and failing not to sound terrified. 

He had no idea who the man was.

‘Why don’t you let me help you,’ the man said.

Aramis thought the man was trying to sound seductive, but his gruff voice meant the attempt failed. The fear running around Aramis’ veins heightened. The man stepped forward, he was tall, taller and broader than Aramis. The cadet stepped back without thinking. 

‘Help me with what?’

‘You want to go in there, don’t you?’ said the gruff man with a leering smile nodding towards the tavern. 

Aramis did not respond. He wanted to turn and run. The man may not have threatened him but Aramis knew the man was not there to help him. He wanted to run but could not move. He was shaking with fear. The man smiled again as he took another step forward, reaching out. Aramis tried to push the man off him but could not, finding himself caught in the firm grip of the man who twisted him around and pushed him, face first, against the wall of the building, pinning him there. Aramis was slight and no match for the bigger, heavier, man. He was about to call for help but stopped himself.

The man chuckled, ‘you can’t call for help if you call for help and you get caught like this you would be as guilty as me.’

The man trailed his hand down Aramis’ side resting it on his waist rubbing his finger forward. Aramis tried to squirm away but all he achieved was to incite the man to push into him again. 

‘You want this,’ whispered the man, ‘why else would you be here?’

The man pushed his hand further around Aramis reaching for his groin. Aramis closed his eyes wishing the man would go away, knowing he would not. 

The hand stopped its movement before slowly pulling away. The weight on his back lessened until he was aware of the man stepping back. Aramis was too scared to move, wondering what was happening. He was shaking uncontrollably. 

‘If I catch you molesting young men again, I will kill you,’ came a different voice from behind him. ‘In fact, if I see you again, I will kill you.’

The second man had a commanding voice, a trustworthy voice. Aramis heard the gruff man take a couple of steps back before turning and walking off with a few mumbled curses as the sounds of his steps diminished. 

‘If you can manage to let go of the wall,’ said the commanding man in a much gentler tone, ‘you might want to return from whence you came.’

It took him a few seconds but Aramis managed to open his eyes. He looked around at the new man who was stood a couple of yards from him. He was several years younger than the gruff-voiced man. He was handsome with light brown hair, cut short, and a neat beard. He was well dressed, a dark embroidered doublet showed off the man’s trim figure.

The man had his arm outstretched a gun pointing in the direction that Aramis guessed the gruff man had disappeared. His rescuer glanced in the direction of the older man for a few seconds before lowering his gun and holstering it on a fine leather belt.

Still shaking, Aramis managed to push himself away from the wall, he stared at the man not really knowing what to do or say. 

‘You’re welcome,’ said the man, ‘now go away...I’ve heard that the Red Guard will be patrolling the area tonight. You do not want to get caught here.’

Aramis stared at the man for another few seconds before he nodded slowly. The man stepped back and gestured for Aramis to walk away from the tavern. With shaking legs Aramis managed to move away, he passed the man who smiled at him. 

The man watched him walking away, Aramis glanced back a couple of times until he rounded a corner. Once out of sight of the man he broke into a run. He had never run so far or so fast before. Two streets away from his garrison Aramis slowed, before collapsing to his knees and throwing up. 

He felt weak after the run. He was still shaking. Aramis found it difficult to accept what had just happened. His curiosity and need had nearly seen him attacked. He knew what the gruff man had wanted to do to him. He knew the man would have forced him. Aramis would not have been able to fight the man off, despite his recent training. His own fear would have seen him frozen and unable to prevent the man from doing what he wanted.

But the second man, the handsome man, that man had saved him and then sent him on his way. The second man had not wanted anything in return. Aramis had not even thanked the man, he had been unable to speak at the time. 

Aramis moved to sit, leaning against a wall, his knees up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them. Still shaking and breathing fast Aramis realised he was crying. The shock of the recent event too much for him. He could not return to the garrison until he had calmed down and stopped shaking. The other men would notice, he did not want them to see him in his current state, questions would be asked and he was not sure he could come up with a convincing lie to explain what had scared him so much. 

MMMM

He had slunk back into the garrison after his first visit to the tavern, not talking to anyone. He had not stopped shaking until the next morning. Fortunately, none of the other soldiers seemed to notice anything odd about him. 

It was two days later that Aramis returned to the tavern. The first night he had still been too scared but the urge was still there. Surely nothing of a similar nature could happen again, and surely there would not be patrolling guards again so soon?

With renewed confidence, Aramis approached the tavern for the second time. 

‘I wondered if you might be back.’

Aramis turned toward the man as he spoke. The handsome man smiled at him.

‘Before you go in there, would you hear me out?’ asked the man. 

‘You saved me…’ replied Aramis hesitantly, ‘it’s the least I can do.’

The man took a couple of steps forward. He wore a different doublet, a deep blue one, with fine embroidery down the sleeves. 

‘I’m not trying to stop you going in there, I suspect you don’t have anywhere else to turn to...to deal with the urges that you have.’

Aramis could feel his face redden at the man’s insight.

‘It’s alright. I felt the same a few years ago. I was lucky, a man stopped me and helped me instead. I would like to pass on his wisdom…’

‘Do you just hang around out here stopping young men from going in there?’ asked Aramis a little warily.

The man chuckled, ‘I suppose it must look like that...but, the man who I’m talking about, he died a few days ago. He had been ill, I knew he was dying. He asked me, told me really, as a favour to him, to save a young man from potentially getting mixed up in the wrong group of people.’

Aramis shifted awkwardly. He had not been entirely sure what to expect in the tavern, and now was wondering if he had made a mistake deciding to visit it. 

‘So, am I to be your friend's last request? Are you trying to save me?’

The handsome man shook his head, ‘I don’t want to save you completely. I’m not going to stop you from being who you are, or who you think you are. I am like you. I and my...friend, we were...together, for many years.’

Aramis glanced over to the tavern as the door opened and two men walked out, checking up and down the road before walking off together.

‘Please, just let’s go and talk. I know a tavern, not like that one,’ said the man nodding towards the building behind Aramis. ‘It’s quiet, and the landlord will let us sit and talk without bothering us.’

The handsome man looked at Aramis for a few seconds before turning and walking off leaving the younger man alone in the middle of the street. The older man did not turn back but continued to walk away. After a moment of indecision, Aramis followed a few paces behind. The man led him across the city. After fifteen minutes of walking, he stopped at the door of another tavern. The windows of this tavern were bright and clear. Aramis could see a few people inside. Some tradesmen laughing in a corner, a serving girl flirting with a couple of older men, the tavern keeper chatting amiably with a few men at the bar. 

Aramis followed the man in. The man nodded towards a table in the corner of the room before walking up to the tavern keeper. Aramis sat at the table, watching the other occupants of the room, none of whom seemed interested in him. The handsome man was talking to the tavern keeper, they laughed about something before the other man slapped the handsome man on the back and returned to his conversation with the men at his bar. 

The handsome man crossed the tavern to the table where Aramis was sat, placing two cups and a bottle of wine down. He sat opposite Aramis, laying his hat on the table.

‘Marcel, the landlord over there,’ said the man, ‘he tells me that there may be rooms available near here if you haven’t taken rooms at your garrison you should consider this area.’

‘Do you live near here?’ asked Aramis who was still wary of the man who had persuaded him to walk across the city.

‘No, I live right on the other side of the city. Big house... you definitely could not afford the area.’

The man grinned at him. For the first time Aramis found that he was smiling back.

‘You are very handsome,’ said the man, ‘when you smile it lights up your whole face. I hope you smile a lot.’

Aramis did not know how to respond. 

‘When I was your age,’ started the man, ‘I was nearly caught by the Red Guard going into that tavern. My friend saved me. He grabbed me and dragged me away. He always said he regretted not being able to save more men that night.’

Aramis was about to speak but the handsome man shook his head slightly, he had not finished.

‘My friend, he took me to one side, rather like I have with you and he told me...reminded me, that what we are,’ the man pointed to Aramis and then himself, ‘is illegal. Most people, the uneducated, and the educated do not accept us, preferring to follow the rules that some men made up centuries ago. If we are arrested we are executed, there is no sympathy for sinners. You need to learn to be careful, to be discreet. If you are to embark on this life of sinning, you need to learn to look about you. To know who you can trust. To know when you can relax.’

Aramis listened to the man, taking in what was said. The man spoke with sincerity. 

‘I only went there,’ said Aramis after a few moments, ‘because I don’t know which of the other men in the garrison are like me...I’m sure there are some but I know not to ask.’

‘How long have you known?’ asked the man.

‘A few years...I couldn’t act on it at home...my father would have killed me.’

The man nodded his understanding. Aramis realised the man wanted him to continue. 

‘When I got to Paris after I had given my letter of introduction to my Captain and found myself lodgings near the garrison...I knew...just knew that it was time to act on the...urges.’

‘So you’ve never…’

Aramis shook his head feeling his face redden again. He looked down, the embarrassment overwhelming him.

‘You have to start somewhere,’ said the man leaning forward slightly.

There was a pause when neither man spoke. Aramis looked up again and found himself staring straight at the man. The man’s eyes, bright and confident, were holding his gaze.

‘My friend, he would probably have approved of what I’m about to say. I know you want to...be with a man. And I want to help you. If you will allow me.’

Aramis felt his breath quicken a bit. He leaned back, shocked. The handsome man had just offered to sleep with him. Aramis knew the man was not taking advantage of him. This man really wished to look after him. The man was several years older than him and clearly experienced. 

‘Think about it.’ 

The man rose from the table, picked up his hat and turned to the door. 

‘When…’

‘Soon,’ said the man, before walking out of the tavern.

Aramis was left sitting at the table, stunned. He could not quite believe what had happened. The handsome man, whose name he did not know, had offered to fuck him. Aramis had been given the opportunity to do the very thing he was desperate for. To be with another man. 

Aramis wondered what the man meant by ‘soon.’

MMMM

_Now… ___

__Aramis glanced at d’Artagnan who was listening with rapt attention. His lover had been silent during his retelling of the first part of his story but looked like he had a few questions. Aramis paused and looked at him expectantly._ _

__‘Was the tavern, the one you were going to meet men in, the same one I went to?’_ _

__Aramis nodded._ _

__‘You never told me you went there.’_ _

__‘I was hardly going to tell you, that I had been just as stupid and gone there when I was younger. I was lecturing you at the time. It would have ruined my position as the wise man telling the young man about the perils of the world.’_ _

__D’Artagnan laughed, ‘I can’t believe you did exactly the same thing as me.’_ _

__‘I didn’t go in though,’ Aramis reminded him. ‘He stopped me before I got that far. And I did not come as close to being caught by the Red Guard in there as you did.’_ _

__D’Artagnan tilted his head in submission to his lover before he spoke again._ _

__‘And the tavern you went to with him?’_ _

__‘My local,’ replied Aramis, ‘the rooms he was talking about are where I live now. Although I didn’t take them for another couple of years.’_ _

__‘How odd, that all those things happened, the coincidences.’_ _

__Aramis nodded, ‘I know.’_ _

__‘So how long was it before you saw the man again?’_ _

__‘I went back to the tavern, my tavern, and met him three more times. Each time we talked. I learned a lot from him. I had not realised, at the time, just how naive I was. I knew how men had sex and some other things, but he explained the more...intimate...things to me. I have to admit to being a little shocked...and embarrassed about it all. But he was…’ Aramis paused and sighed, ‘he was so kind, so understanding. I got the impression then and I’m sure now that he was pretty much treating me as he had been treated by his lover.’_ _

__Aramis looked across the lake for a few moments before continuing._ _

__‘He was taking his time before we slept together. He was giving me a chance to change my mind. He told me everything, all the details, the not so pleasant aspects of sleeping with a man and the amazing things as well. He didn’t leave anything out. He wanted me to be prepared...But I still wanted to sleep with him and be touched by him. I remember one night his hand brushed against mine...it sent shivers through me. I wanted more.’_ _

__‘Did he tell you he was going to bring you here?’_ _

__‘He asked me when I would get my next leave. Our garrison had been on a tour of duty not long before, and even though I had not gone due to being a very new cadet I was given the same leave as the rest of the men. I had three days. I told him...I remember him taking a moment and asking me if I was sure before telling me to meet him at first light the following morning.’_ _


	3. Chapter 3

_Years before… ___

__The man had been waiting at the meeting spot with two horses. He had told Aramis that he did not need to bring anything other than himself. Which Aramis did, he had gone with minimal weapons and without his uniform. The man had nodded his approval before handing him the reins of one of the horses, a bay mare who reacted to his commands without pause. The tack was of the best quality._ _

__They trotted out of the city as it started to wake leaving the noise and smells behind them. Breaking into a canter the man led them further away, he would glance across at him every so often. Aramis looked back unable to hide his trepidation, but the man, somehow, managed to keep him at his ease._ _

__Aramis wondered if he should be worried, he was going off with a man he hardly knew to an unknown destination to have sex. It was certainly an odd situation. But his excitement soon overtook his apprehension. He knew what to expect after their long evening sessions talking in the friendly tavern. Obviously, Aramis did not know what it would feel like, although he had spent a bit of time touching himself, in the manner the man had described to prepare himself for sex when he had the time and privacy to do so. It had been a most odd sensation but he was sure the man would show him how to do it properly._ _

__They reached an area that Aramis did not know, rocks sprang up around them, they had not passed any villages or even lone houses for some time. Aramis looked about himself, wondering why they were slowing down. The man glanced back at him._ _

__‘My lover brought me here years ago, I hope you find it as beautiful as I do.’_ _

__Aramis smiled, sure that he would love anything the man did. It had been on their second meeting that the man had started to refer to his friend as his lover. Aramis had been a little surprised at first but soon realised that there was no reason why two men could not have a relationship. What little he knew of people like himself and the man, was limited to bawdy talk from drunken soldiers or men in the tavern on his father’s land on the few occasions he had been allowed to go there. The descriptions had always been derogatory and hateful. But Aramis hoped that was not true as he followed the handsome man towards a wall of rock._ _

__He had been shocked to be led through a virtually invisible pathway. The place was certainly well hidden. Aramis knew why the man had taken him there. They would not be disturbed. He could feel the nervousness and fear returning to him. Was he making a mistake? Could he really trust this man?_ _

__As he emerged out of the pathway he gasped, glancing at the man who was grinning at him._ _

__‘I hoped that would be your reaction,’ the man said as he turned to take in the view._ _

__Aramis slipped off the horse and took a few steps forward, gazing at the water, the lake spread out in front of him. Not another person in sight. The only sound the gentle lap of the water on the rocks under a few trees to his left and the birds singing from the high branches._ _

__One of the horses snorted behind him. He turned to see the man pulling his saddlebags and saddle from his horse. Aramis walked up to his own horse and copied. He noticed his hands were shaking as he did so._ _

__‘I’m not going to make you do anything,’ the man said from where he was, ‘if you want to go, you can do. I’ll arrange to get the horse picked up from your garrison. It’s not a problem. I’m not forcing you to be here. I would be utterly devastated if you thought you had to stay.’_ _

__For the first time, Aramis detected a slight uncertainty in the voice of his companion. He turned to the man and noticed he had paled slightly, worry marring his handsome face._ _

__‘I am nervous…’ said Aramis slowly, ‘about what we’re here to do...but...the longer I have been with you the more I’ve come to realise you really do have my best interests at heart. I’m not just an easy fuck, am I?’_ _

__The man shook his head and smiled again, ‘thank you,’ he said._ _

__Aramis frowned, ‘what for?’_ _

__‘For allaying my own fears, I was a little worried you might think you had to stay and let me sleep with you, against your will.’_ _

__The man looked down, he seemed apprehensive. It was odd to see the man so vulnerable. Aramis closed the gap between them, he took the bags the man was holding, their fingers touching as he did so. The man looked up and smiled._ _

__His own confidence restored the man took the lead again, ‘I don’t want us to have to worry about the horses later...I intend for us to be busy with other things. Let’s get them settled first.’_ _

__Aramis felt a thrill of excitement rush through him at the thought of the things they were going to be doing. The man led the horses towards the trees after asking Aramis to build them a fire saying that as a soldier his fire building skill were probably better._ _

__It was not long before they were settled in front of the fire, sitting on expensive bedrolls, thick blankets ready for the cooler hours. They had removed their doublets and boots before making themselves comfortable on the soft bedrolls._ _

__The man looked at Aramis for a few seconds before leaning into him and kissing him on the lips. Aramis felt his breath quicken in an instant, the man’s lips were soft. He opened his mouth slightly, Aramis followed instinctively and did the same thing._ _

__He had kissed women before, he knew what he was doing. None of the women had ever complained. He kissed the man in the same manner but quickly found that he could be a little more forceful with the man. The man reciprocated, bringing his hand up and cupping the back of Aramis’ head. Aramis slipped his hand around the man’s waist. The man slowly lay down, with Aramis following not breaking off their kiss._ _

__The man allowed Aramis to get comfortable, lying on his side, close to the man. Aramis could feel the man’s body heat, through his shirt. The man’s hand wandered over Aramis’ body. The younger man allowed the older man to slowly untuck his shirt. Aramis wondered if he should do the same before tentatively doing so. The man did not stop him._ _

__With a slightly shaking hand, Aramis pushed the man’s shirt up, his fingers brushing over the smooth skin of his now bare chest. The man paused their kiss and pulled away slightly. Aramis wondered if he had done something wrong. The man smiled at him before pulling his shirt off completely. He leaned forward and pulled at the hem of Aramis’ shirt for a second before Aramis sat up slightly to let the man take the clothing from him._ _

__The man pushed Aramis down onto his back. Aramis gasped slightly as the older man’s hand wandered over his groin rubbing at his already hard cock. The man made a few soothing sounds as Aramis’ breathing quickened again. The man’s fingers began to undo Aramis’ breeches._ _

__Feelings overwhelmed Aramis. The handsome man leaned into him again, their half-naked bodies pressed together as they kissed, deeply, and with passion. It was not the same as being with a woman. The power the man had, an equal for his own was intoxicating. Aramis knew he would let the man do whatever he wanted to do. Aramis was willing to submit to the man’s power completely, but at the same time, it did not feel as though he was giving up all of his own power or strength._ _

__The man’s fingers pushed the leather of Aramis’ breeches away and made short work of pulling his underclothes loose. Aramis hoped the darkening sky would hide the colour he knew his face had turned as the man slowly circled his fingers around the hard cock. He gasped as the man began to work his cock. The feeling of someone else doing - that - was amazing. He had been touched by women before, but they did not give him the same pleasure he felt when he had touched himself. They did not know how to deal with his needs. But this man did. This man who he had only met a few times was now expertly moving his hand up and down Aramis’ hard cock, he knew just what to do, where to trail his thumb, when to pause, when to speed up._ _

__Barely had the man begun to touch him before Aramis came with a satisfied and audible sigh. Panting slightly, Aramis wondered what the man must have thought of him at that moment, lying spent, covered in his own come, panting on the ground._ _

__The answer came when the man leaned over him again and began to kiss him afresh for a few seconds before pushing away from him and looking him in the eyes with a smile._ _

__‘Now for your first lesson,’ said the man._ _

__Aramis had no idea what the man was talking about, but he was more than willing to be taught more._ _

__The man reached for his hand and guided it to his own breeches before nodding at Aramis who quickly twisted on to his side as the man lay back and watched him. Aramis realised the man wanted him to reciprocate._ _

__His fingers shaking Aramis popped open the buttons on the man’s breeches pushing them down slightly before tugging at the string of the underclothes which held the man’s already firm cock prisoner._ _

__Aramis took the man’s cock in his hand and began to move his hand along it. The man reached down and placed his own hand over Aramis’, slowing his movements._ _

__‘Take your time,’ he said, ‘tease me, draw it out.’_ _

__Aramis nodded and allowed the man to dictate the pace that he moved his hand. He remembered the way the man changed how he had his fingers touching him slightly differently with each stroke. Aramis did the same and found himself smiling when he caused the man’s breath to hitch a couple of times. Soon the man was allowing Aramis to deal with him. Only the occasional word of guidance was needed. It took the man a little longer to come, but Aramis knew that was down to his age and experience. But the man seemed satisfied nonetheless._ _

__The man pulled Aramis towards him and kissed him again. Aramis knew his first lesson was over and wondered what would be next._ _

__MMMM_ _

__‘The benefit of this place,’ said the man when he finally pushed Aramis away from him, ‘is that we don’t need to worry too much about cleaning ourselves up.’_ _

__The man nodded towards the calm lake in front of them before pulling himself up to stand. As he did so, he pushed his breeches and underclothes down his legs, catching his stocking as he went. Once naked, he walked towards the water. Aramis watched him for a few seconds before realising the man was correct. There was not really a need to keep a cloth handy to wipe away the results of their first intimate contact. He quickly scrambled to his feet taking off the remainder of his own clothes. Aramis had no qualms about being naked in front of the man now. Not after what they had just done._ _

__The man had crouched down by the edge of the water and was splashing the cool water over himself. Aramis looked the man over for a few seconds. Although several years older, he was of a similar height and build to Aramis but not quite as muscular. Aramis guessed that even with only a few months in the military he had already become fitter than most other men. The man bore no scars or marks on his skin which also showed no signs of labouring. Aramis already knew the man lived in an affluent area of Paris. The man, or his deceased lover, must have been wealthy. Perhaps they had not needed to work._ _

__Aramis wondered if the man would tell him more about his background in time? But, thought Aramis, it did not really matter._ _

__After washing themselves they dried off using the blankets before resuming their previous positions, lying on the bedrolls. Aramis wanted to return to kissing the man but was stopped by the man with a slight tilt of his head. Aramis realised the man wanted to move onto something else._ _

__‘I want to have sex with you,’ said the man._ _

__Aramis realised he liked how direct and honest the man was._ _

__‘But only if you are sure.’_ _

__Aramis nodded his head._ _

__‘And then I want you to have sex with me. I want you to know what it feels like to take both roles. You may find you prefer one to the other, or like me, enjoy both.’_ _

__Aramis slowly nodded his head again, feeling the nervous excitement creeping into him again._ _

__‘Are you interested in trying both? You said you were, but now we are here I want to be totally sure.’_ _

__Aramis lay his hand on the man’s arm._ _

__‘You are not forcing me to do this. I really want to do this. I’ve wanted to do this for years.’_ _

__The man smiled and nodded before turning away for a few seconds reaching into his saddlebag. He pulled out a small bottle of oil. Aramis knew what it was for, the man had explained what they would do and he had practised on his own, although without much success._ _

__‘What should I do?’ asked Aramis quietly unable to hide his nervousness._ _

__‘Turn over onto your hands and knees and lean down on your forearms...it’s probably easiest the first time like that,’ said the man injecting calm into his voice._ _

__With a shaky breath, Aramis did as he was told finding comfort in the man’s warm hand on his hip, steadying him._ _

__‘This will make it easier,’ said the man, ‘but you need to relax. It will be uncomfortable, particularly the first few times, but you will get used to it and I promise you will enjoy it.’_ _

__Aramis nodded, he was not sure he could speak at that moment without sounding scared and he did not want to worry the man. Did not want the man to stop what he was doing._ _

__As the man eased his finger between Aramis’ buttocks he found himself tensing._ _

__‘Relax, take a breath. I’m going to take my time. There is no rush.’_ _

__Aramis did as he was told and took a deep breath. The man pressed his now oiled finger against Aramis, moving it around him slightly. Aramis’ breath hitched but he remained relaxed. The man gently pushed into him, Aramis closed his eyes and concentrated on keeping his breathing calm for a few seconds. When he had calmed himself he realised the man had pushed his finger inside him. It felt so odd, but also so right. The man pushed in and out for a while gradually easing the finger further into him before pulling almost all the way out and introducing a second finger. Aramis tensed up a bit._ _

__‘You’re doing well,’ said the man as he reached forward and stroked Aramis’ arm._ _

__Aramis gasped, arching his back when the man moved the two fingers. He thought he heard a knowing chuckle from the man but he was too caught up in the moment to be sure. The feeling the man had just elicited from him was incredible. Aramis blinked a few times trying to calm himself down. He felt weak and dizzy._ _

__The man had three fingers in him now. Aramis felt full, he could not take any more, but he wanted more. More than just the man’s fingers. Aramis realised he was pushing back onto the man, so much was he enjoying the preparations._ _

__Aramis wondered what the real thing would feel like._ _

__The man eased his fingers out of Aramis who gasped again at the sudden loss._ _

__‘Are you ready?’_ _

__Aramis nodded, ‘please. I want you.’_ _

__He was aware of the man moving his position, Aramis glanced back and saw the man settling himself between Aramis’ spread legs. The man placed his hands on Aramis’ hips and slightly arranged him. Aramis did not mind being manipulated, he would have done anything the man asked at that moment._ _

__Aramis felt the man push his hard cock forward. He was annoyed at himself for tensing up almost immediately. The man paused but did not say anything. He moved one hand from Aramis’ hip and reached underneath and grasped his cock._ _

__Aramis’ eyes went wide, he had not been expecting the move. The hand, still slick with oil, moved along Aramis’ cock._ _

__The feelings were too much for Aramis. He did not know what to concentrate on. The hand on his cock or the man’s cock slowly pushing into him._ _

__Aramis found he had screwed his eyes shut and was holding his breath. Taking a breath was hard, but he knew he would have to do that. He forced himself to breathe. Then he forced himself to relax._ _

__He could feel the man pushing into him. It did not hurt, but it was uncomfortable. He had to work hard to keep relaxed but what the man was doing to his cock was helping Aramis._ _

__He had not noticed the man push into him and start to thrust, but thinking back a few seconds there had been a moment when he had felt it, but there was so much going on that he had not really registered it at that moment. Perhaps that was the man’s plan. At least for his first time to help take his mind off the fear that was still within him._ _

__The man had started to thrust in and out of him. The hand on Aramis’ cock was working in time with the thrusts. For the second time, Aramis found himself coming quickly, but the action of coming seemed to calm him down. Perhaps it tired him, left him unable to tense up anymore. Either way, Aramis found the feeling of being fucked not to be unpleasant anymore, in fact, every so often the man managed to rub whatever he had hit with his fingers, causing Aramis to gasp as a wave of pleasure washed over him._ _

__With an unbecoming grunt, the man came. Thrusting a couple more times into him before withdrawing and collapsing next to him. Aramis did not move for a few seconds until he felt the man pulling him down to lie next to him. They were facing each other. The man looked at Aramis carefully. Aramis realised he was waiting for a reaction._ _

__‘I...don’t...know what to say.’_ _

__The man smiled, ‘that’s good enough,’ he said before throwing his arm around the younger man and pulling him close._ _


	4. Chapter 4

_Now… ___

__‘We lay together for some time...a bit like we are now,’ said Aramis glancing at d’Artagnan, ‘and then he talked me through preparing him for sex.’_ _

__Aramis paused for a few seconds._ _

__‘I think I was more nervous about doing that than when he had been preparing me.’_ _

__D’Artagnan could not help laughing. Aramis looked at him, a look of surprise on his face._ _

__‘Sorry,’ said d’Artagnan not wanting to upset his lover after he had told him something that was obviously very special to him. ‘It’s just, you saying how nervous you were, it...it reminded me of the time when I slept with you. The first time. It was different to when you had helped me. I felt as though I had such a responsibility to get it right.’_ _

__Aramis smiled, nodding his understanding. D’Artagnan was relieved that Aramis understood why he had reacted as he had._ _

__‘I’d not thought about it like that. I suppose being talked through something...something so...intimate, so personal. It is nerve-wracking.’_ _

__Aramis tightened his grip around d’Artagnan slightly for a few seconds. D’Artagnan lifted his head a little so that they could kiss. It was brief but nonetheless passionate._ _

__‘Did you love him?’ asked d’Artagnan, wondering if the question was a good one to ask, but he wanted to know._ _

__D’Artagnan would not have minded, he knew that Aramis had loved men before him. He knew that Aramis had been with several men, some had been just about the sex and some had been more serious relationships._ _

__Aramis thought for a moment, ‘I loved him, yes...but I was not in love with him. There is a difference.’_ _

__D'artagnan nodded._ _

__‘He taught me many things. He was careful and gentle, there was never a rush. He wanted me to learn how to give and receive pleasure. I don’t think he ever intended me to be his next lover, he just wanted to fulfil his lover's wishes. To look after someone else; to see that they went into this...unforgiving world, with their eyes open.’_ _

__‘And that first time you had sex with him, here,’ said d’Artagnan, ‘was it good? Was it what you expected?’_ _

__Aramis smiled, ‘yes, it was good. It was a bit quick,’ he admitted, ‘but I think as first times go, it was good.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked away for a few seconds, trying to hide the look on his face, knowing he had failed. He had not wanted to remind Aramis of the reason they were together in the first place, the reason the deeply hidden memories of his own had been brought to the surface._ _

__‘Sorry,’ said Aramis._ _

__D’Artagnan looked back, ‘I don’t count - that - as my first time,’ he said, ‘my first time, with a man, was with you.’_ _

__Aramis watched him for a few seconds. D’Artagnan wished he could reassure his lover that he was fine. That, although the memories of his rape had resurfaced, he could deal with them now._ _

__When Aramis looked away, across the lake, d’Artagnan could see a look of regret cross his lovers face._ _

__‘What is it?’_ _

__Aramis did not respond, but d’Artagnan could tell there was something. Something his lover wanted to say but was not. He pushed himself away from Aramis and sat up, twisting to look at him. The move had forced Aramis to look back towards him. D’Artagnan waited for him to speak._ _

__‘It’s just, you saying about your first time, it made me think of the first time you had sex with me...when you...helped me.’_ _

__‘I did that because you were still suffering. It was the least I could do. You know that,’ said d’Artagnan, unable to hide the confusion at Aramis’ sudden melancholy._ _

__‘I just...I just wish that we could have... that I could have got through it...in the...the…’_ _

__D’Artagnan wondered what it was that Aramis was trying to say. His lover was clearly struggling to put into words whatever it was that was bothering him. Aramis closed his eyes for a few seconds and sighed._ _

__‘He was so good at being honest and direct,’ said Aramis, ‘I wish I could be like that.’_ _

__D’Artagnan took Aramis’ hand and clasped it in his own._ _

__‘Whatever it is, please just tell me.’_ _

__Aramis took a breath and sat up a little before continuing._ _

__‘That time, the first time you fucked me,’ said Aramis, ‘we started with you...behind me, it was the same manner that...I...had…’_ _

__Aramis looked away and blinked a few times. D’Artagnan knew what his lover was going to say but realised Aramis had to say the words himself._ _

__‘It was the same position that I had been...raped in. And I…couldn’t…’_ _

__D'Artagnan rubbed his thumb across Aramis’ hand, trying to offer reassurance. Despite both of them talking about the assaults on them each, it was still sometimes difficult to think about it. He well remembered that first time and the slightly fraught moment when he had thought he had been hurting Aramis when the man had cried, showing an unusual weakness. What had caused Aramis to breakdown had been the similarity to his rape. Unlike d’Artagnan who had wanted to have sex in the same position to replace the ugly memories with good ones, Aramis had been unable to go through with it in the same position._ _

__Aramis continued, ‘I just wish we had managed it, like that. You said yourself when I had sex with you that it helped to wipe away the memories.’_ _

__D’Artagnan waited until he was sure Aramis was finished._ _

__‘Aramis,’ he said, ‘we tried it again, and it was...Aramis you were so traumatised I wondered if you would ever want to be near me again.’_ _

__D’Artagnan hated reminding his lover of the night a few months later in their relationship when he had tried again to have sex with Aramis kneeling forward and him behind. Aramis had tried not to react, but it had soon become clear that the memories of the rape his lover had endured were still too raw to dismiss. D’Artagnan had spent the rest of their night together simply holding Aramis tightly as his lover had cried and shaken. They had barely spoken the next day. It had been difficult for them both._ _

__‘Before I was with you,’ said Aramis, ‘there were times, with other men, that were just...fun. I used to enjoy being pushed over a table, or whatever came to hand. I used to enjoy a quick fuck, a little preparation then sex. It was fun, it was sometimes daring...I’ve never had that with you.’_ _

__‘It doesn’t matter…’_ _

__‘It does. It matters to me...it’s selfish, I know, but I miss it. You wanted to have sex with a man and it to be an enjoyable thing. I...I want to be able to have sex without anything bothering me anymore.’_ _

__D’Artagnan continued to rub his thumb across Aramis’ hand. He knew what his lover was going to propose, but he was not sure if he could do what Aramis wanted. The thought of hurting him again, however unintentionally was hard to bare._ _

__‘Please, d’Artagnan,’ said Aramis, ‘I want you to have sex with me, like that. Help me to banish that last demon. I’d like to try, here, I feel so safe here. And with you...I feel safe with you.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked away. Aramis had been looking at him with such hopeful eyes. D'artagnan did not want to disappoint his lover. He knew Aramis would not hold it against him if he refused the request. It would be a lot of responsibility. But, the man sitting in front of him had helped him. Aramis had saved his life countless times. Aramis had shown him how to be the attentive lover he knew he now was. Aramis had let him into his life._ _

__How could he refuse the man? It was the least he could do. To try. To chase away his lover's demons._ _

__D’Artagnan nodded._ _

__MMMM_ _

__Aramis knew he was asking a lot of d’Artagnan, but he also knew his lover would care for him if what they were about to do ended in disaster. As it had the last time they had tried. He remembered vividly the confusion he had. Knowing that it was his lover and not his rapist behind him, touching him, but unable to separate the feelings. Ever since he had been raped and beaten he had needed to see d’Artagnan whenever they had sex._ _

__It had left him feeling a little inadequate, something he had never told his lover, despite them both being open and honest with each other. That small piece of information he had always kept to himself._ _

__But, since they had arrived at the lake the thought had continually returned to him. His memories of his first time with the handsome man had been at the forefront of his mind. When he had told d’Artagnan what they had done and how he had felt, it reminded him of what he was missing out on. He knew that it was not an issue for d’Artagnan and it did not affect their relationship in any way. But it was there, niggling at the back of his mind. It did not help him that he had been raped again twice since that first time, both times in the same position._ _

__The first time they had been together, the cathartic time, for d’Artagnan, Aramis had known he had the same issue. Just as d’Artagnan had wanted to replace the fear and pain with love and pleasure, Aramis had wanted the same. But when his then friend had offered to help him, to repay the favour, Aramis had crumbled. He had not been able to go through with it. Poor d’Artagnan had wondered if he had done something wrong when the issue was wholly with Aramis._ _

__Now, in this place where Aramis had nothing but good memories he knew he wanted to try again. To banish that final demon, to fight back and beat it into submission. It might have taken him longer than d’Artagnan but he was ready. And Aramis could think of no other person than d’Artagnan to take on the fight with him._ _

__If anything it was d’Artagnan who seemed a little apprehensive. The younger man’s hands were shaking slightly as he popped open the buttons on his breeches. Aramis reached across._ _

__‘You don’t have to, I don’t want you to feel obliged to.’_ _

__D’Artagnan looked up and smiled, ‘sorry, it’s just...you’re trusting me with something so important.’_ _

__‘Who else am I going to ask?’ said Aramis with a grin._ _

__Aramis pulled d’Artagnan towards him in a firm embrace before pushing him back on the bedroll and taking on the task of undressing his lover. D’Artagnan watched from his position on the ground, allowing Aramis to tug his breeches and underclothes down his legs. D’Artagnan sat up again and pulled his own shirt off as Aramis undressed._ _

__The fire crackled as the now naked men embraced again, Aramis kissed d’Artagnan whilst trailing his hand down the younger man’s side before sliding it over his half hard cock. D’Artagnan hummed his approval but did not break off the kiss._ _

__‘That first time,’ said Aramis, ‘you were worried you would not be up for the task. You don’t seem to have that problem any more.’_ _

__Aramis smiled as d’Artagnan tried to hide his embarrassment. Despite them having been in a relationship for a long time it still amused Aramis that he could make the younger man blush._ _

__D’Artagnan reached for the oil bottle as he pushed Aramis gently away from him. Aramis watched his lover pour the oil on his fingers for a few seconds; he could feel the trepidation creeping into him. One thing Aramis was determined to do was to call a halt if he started to feel panicked, he did not want his lover to think he had pushed him too far._ _

__He did not want d’Artagnan to feel he had made the situation worse, despite it being Aramis’ decision to try again in the fateful position. What d’Artagnan was doing was supposed to be helping Aramis. Aramis felt a little selfish for what he was asking d’Artagnan to do, but he knew that his lover would want to help him. He also felt guilty for not speaking about the issue before when they were always so open with each other about everything else. But after the disastrous previous attempt, Aramis had not wanted to make d’Artagnan feel he had to try again. It had been just as traumatic for the younger man who had effectively caused Aramis’ breakdown by trying to help him._ _

__Aramis pushed himself up to kneel, he leaned into d’Artagnan and kissed him briefly before making eye contact for a few seconds. Aramis smiled._ _

__‘I trust you,’ he said before leaning forward._ _

__Aramis was aware that d’Artagnan was still shaking slightly as he eased his finger into him. But Aramis remained calm, thinking, not of the assaults on him, but of the handsome man, and their first time. He also knew that unlike that first time, he knew how to relax properly now, knew what to expect and how to enjoy it._ _

__He was with the man he loved; the man he trusted with his life._ _

__D’Artagnan was gentle with his ministrations as Aramis concentrated on his breathing and only thinking about his lover. Odd images did manage to invade his thoughts; the assault he suffered after the first time he was raped; Damon pinning him to the wall using his bigger build to keep Aramis there; Martin, a man he had loved, drugging him and then leaving him with confused conflicted memories. His breathing quickened for a few seconds, Aramis closed his eyes. He forced the negative thoughts away. He thought of the handsome man and of d’Artagnan, he thought about the day he told d’Artagnan that he had taught him everything he knew. Aramis opened his eyes again._ _

__D’Artagnan hooked his fingers, Aramis smiled as he took a sharp breath. His lover knew what to do. Of all the men he had been with d’Artagnan was the best at preparing him. The man knew when and how to move without being prompted. Aramis sighed as d’Artagnan eased his fingers out._ _

__When his lover did not move Aramis looked around, d’Artagnan was hesitating. Aramis understood, knew his lover needed further reassurance._ _

__‘I love you,’ said Aramis, ‘and I want you…’_ _

__D’Artagnan nodded before moving behind him. Aramis took a breath and closed his eyes. It took a lot of effort, as he felt d’Artagnan’s hands on his hips and his lovers hard cock pressed against him, not to tense up. But he managed it._ _

__He could feel the warmth of the fire coupled with the sound of the water on the rocks. He was in the place where only good memories were made. He was with the man he loved and trusted. And his thoughts were on the man who had taught him, all those years ago._ _

__There was no time for thoughts of the evil men now, the men who had used him, forced him, taken advantage of him. They were not there. Only d’Artagnan, only the handsome man, only the beauty of the lake._ _

__He felt d’Artagnan shift slightly as he continued his gentle thrusts, the man was being careful not to be forceful. One hand slipped off Aramis’ hip and encircled his cock. Aramis allowed d’Artagnan to dictate the pace. All he had to do was relax, and enjoy the sensations._ _

__And he did._ _

__The feeling of relief, and the feeling of love he had for d’Artagnan at that moment, Aramis was sure would never be surpassed._ _

__They came within seconds of one another, d’Artagnan was panting slightly from the efforts and, Aramis thought, his own relief._ _

__He knew it had not been perfect, that his lover had been filled with worry, and he had been a little tense. But he had not panicked. Aramis knew that the next time and he was certain there would be a next time, it would be more relaxed. The younger man had helped him as no other man could. Aramis could not trust anyone else to help him in such a way._ _

__D’Artagnan eased out of him and paused. Aramis turned onto his side and looked up at him for a few seconds. D’Artagnan was looking at him with worry etched on his face, his lover was worried that he might have caused Aramis more pain and trauma. Aramis smiled and sat up pulling his lover towards him, knowing the younger man needed reassurance._ _

__‘Thank you,’ he said quietly._ _

__D’Artagnan sighed with relief, the tension in his body leaving him as Aramis held him._ _

__‘Thank you for trusting me.’_ _

__They were silent for a few seconds before Aramis got to his feet pulling d’Artagnan up with him. They picked their way towards the edge of the water._ _

__‘I wouldn’t fancy a swim now,’ said d’Artagnan as they washed in the now cold water._ _

__‘No,’ replied Aramis, ‘maybe in the morning before we leave.’_ _

__‘Can we come back here?’ asked d’Artagnan as he stood up._ _

__Aramis smiled as he snaked his arm around his lover’s waist and pulled him closer. D'Artagnan leaned into him._ _

__‘I hope so,’ Aramis said, ‘I’d like to make many more good memories here.’_ _

__The End._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. And yes, I have the germ of an idea for another story. Not sure I will ever be able to stop!


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